Stacymarieb's Weblog

DAY 4 THE SWITCH

stacymarieb — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:24:09 +0000

I woke up really not feeling that bad, seriously. I went and took the suboxone, it disolves under your tongue. I immediately felt such a relief. Within the next 20 or 30 minutes I felt so different. I thought, I feel like a demon was in my body, a deep dark demon, and it has just been released and I am my old self again. I went from being such a happy, energetic, hopeful,ambitious, funny, talanted,deep thinking person to someone who is grumpy, irritable, unmotivated, shallow hearted, uncaring, lazy sorry site of a person. Thats what methadone did to me, besides the fact that it made me go from a size 1 all my life to a size 12 ! In these couple of weeks I am in a 9 again and shrinking still. The suboxone has saved my life !!! I felt my personality emerge, like it had been locked away for the past 2 1/2 years………..I saw my hopes and dreams emerge, the hopes and dreams that I had hated on so much over the past couple of methadone years…..I am back…………It was like I was seeing the world for the first time again. Everything so beautiful, the world so big but yet a place for me in it. Im going to do great things in my life………Every part of my being had been locked in a prison for so long , it was like being reunited with an old friend again ! I lost those years of my life………but I will make up for it. Suboxone is a true God Send……..You can be free again too…….I plan on stopping the suboxone sometime next week. And no you dont get a drug high off of it you get a life high from it releasing you from captivity. I dont feel so dependant on it…….You dont feel medicated, you are just free……………….. Absolutely FREE.

DAY 3 of METHADONE WITHDRAWALS

stacymarieb — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:05:58 +0000

DAY 3

On day 3 I awakened feeling absolutely normal! I know that I was in withdrawals but the wonderful miracle drug that I kept my body full of this entire day kept me out of pain. I was a slight uncomfortable but hey everyone has times of uncomfort, dont you think. I did start to get really anxious about how slow this day was passing so I got in my car and went on a 7 hour drive. I decided that getting out of state would be the best thing for me just in case I decided that I wanted to hunt down an old “friend” , my old drug friends to get something to relieve my anxiety. So getting myself out of state prevented that from occurring, Im not saying that I would have done that but hey when Im in withdrawals I dont trust myself. The way I kept myself from jumping up and going to the methadone clinic is that I gave my keys to someone and told them under no circumstances give them to me until after the clinic closes. I was ready to do this, I wanted off that stuff so bad that I had to dummy proof my entire weekend from possible things that could go wrong. Guys the withdrawals are not as bad as you think, your mind is what makes is hurt so bad. Im not saying its an easy task but it is definately doable if you want your life back ! Well the plan was to switch over to suboxone for about 2 weeks so that the methadone withdrawals would be over completely. Suboxone pushes methadone out of you rapidly and that helps too. That night I slept, I actually slept very good. I was so proud of myself, I realized that night, hey I am actually off Methadone ! If I had of layed around the entire weekend in agony of my withdrawals Im telling you I would have never made it. You cant lay around b/c when you pull you self up finally you feel such a relief, and maybe go for a drive like I did. I got my dog and we went out of the state, listened to music and it was the best therapy I have ever had.

I DISCOVERED SLEEPING PILLS CURE WITHDRAWALS !!

stacymarieb — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:52:25 +0000

If anyone really is actually reading this Im sorry that I wasnt able to write this past weekend. The internet went out b/c of a storm and we just got it back yesterday. Anyway…….I think this may be inspiring to anyone who would like to get off METHADONE…….I will split this up into the past 4 days in different posts………..KEEP AN OPEN MIND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DO BELIEVE THAT IT IS

DAY 2

Before I go on keep in mind that I was in rapid detox, I went from 85 MGs to 30 in like 2 weeks or so and then stopped taking it at 30, ok ! This is day 1 without Methadone, but I was already in some withdrawals to begin with. I awakened around 8AM and was feeling great, my anxiety level was at a minimum. I woke up fresh and happy and went on this thing our area does in April, it is called April in Talladega. Yes the same place as the movie Talladega Nights, and no people are not that stupid here, well not most. Anyway we were touring the historical homes in our area, which required a lot of walking. That probably was not a good idea at the time to engage in physical activities that Im not use to doing…and I wore high heels, if youre thinking of this as unusefull information I assure you that this is why I was later in some pain ! Well throughout the day I felt wonderful. I was keeping my mind occupied. Around 4 or so we went home and thats when I started to feel really weak and hot cold sweats. I went and popped a benadryl, knocked it right in the butt. Normally I would pop a few sleeping pills but for some insane reason I didnt this night. That night I couldnt sleep at all, laying down was hurting me. My legs were hurting soooo terribly bad but I know if I hadnt have done all that walking in this high heels it would not have been the case.

As I lie there awake in the early morning hours I think of my sleeping pills. I am really in some pain here, it wasnt untolerable but I was very uncomfortable…..My anxiety had rised from a 2 to a 7. Well I took the sleeping pills. They were just the ordinary everyday over the counter rite aid brand 50MG per pill. Diphenedrine ( spelling is probably not correct) but that is the drug in the sleeping pills……..and……..thats the main ingredient in Benadryl. A great discovery by me ! The larger dose of diphenadrine(sp.?) in the sleeping pills relieved almost ALL of the withdrawals for me !

Believe it or not……but I feel WONDERFUL !

stacymarieb — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:38:37 +0000

Today continuing my 21 day detox has probably been the best day that I have had in 3 years ! I feel wonderful ! I dont feel any uncomfort whatsoever ! I am starting to feel like my old self again. That in a way feels like I am high, high off life that is ! I feel so excited about getting off of methadone that I get butterflies in my stomach. My energy level went from a 1 to a 9 !!

Today I realized how much methadone has changed me. I went from the most energetic happiest friendliest person in the world to the laziest, grumpiest wanting to sleep all of the time person. I never saw it before. I had lost the twinkle in my eye, its as if my soul was put to sleep and I was just a body roaming this earth. People keep telling me, wow you look so different today ! You look like you are feeling better, you are so alert vs being so tired looking ! I cant believe I use to love to be numbed out so much. You know how at first for a while being numbed out is being high? Well now I am started to feel my body again and it feels like I am getting high for the first time, just without drugs. I am in mild withdrawals dont get me wrong but its not a bad thing at all ! When I started looking at it differently and started feeling great ! Your mind can make you sicker than you really are. I am back to my normal happy energetic self ! Try it guys, try to detox because when you do you will realize how much methadone is holding you back in life ! LOL I just saw the methadone clinic that I go to on tv, how ironic !

A guest speaker came to the clinic today…he successfully quit taking methadone !

stacymarieb — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:27:41 +0000

Today I had an eye opening experience. We had a guest speaker come to the methadone clinic today. The title of the meeting was ” WE DO RECOVER”. Not very many people can get off methadone and this had a wonderful story to tell about how he got away from taking methadone, away from taking drugs period. His name is Jeff. Jeff looks as if he were maybe in his mid to late 30′s. He said it started from way back when he was a young boy. It all started out when he first smoked a cigarette and got that first cigarette buzz that you get when youve never smoked before. Yes we all know the feeling, right? He came from a broken home, his father left at an early age. So Jeff started to medicate his pain. He started smoking marijuana which led to exstasy, to cocaine and eventually to his very first pain pill. Ohh the wonderful high of the opiate ! He was hooked from day one. The pills made him feel like the greatest smartest person ever. It made him feel a great since of well-being. A false sense of well-being that is. He finally joined the methadone clinic about 10 years ago. He stated that at first he thought the methadone had solved the problem and later came to realize that that was not the case. During his treatment at the methadone clinic he stopped doing all of those other drugs at first. Then the relapse, then he started on methamphetimenes. He even took some chemistry so that he could start making his own. After that at the time he was the proud owner of 2 meth labs. Needless to say he eventually was caught. He did end up in jail later for it, luckily only for a year. Anyway, finally one day while he was still taking methadone realized what the problem was. The problem was not the drugs, the problem was himself ! He was a liar, theif, manipulative, no sense of a higher power, and just basically lacked any intergrity at all. You can measure your intergrity by seeing how you act without anyone around. Well he finally realized when he started being honest, completely honest to himself and others and gaining a bit of integrity that he started reaping the benefits. His life was getting a little easier, relationships were getting better, bills were getting paid and so on and so on. He said hey I can keep doing this and life will get even better. So he detoxed from methadone fairly fast. He said it was tough, he only slept 45 minutes within 12 days. The only thing that hurt was his legs but he didnt miss a day of work. He felt hot and cold at the same time and that was it ! This went on for 12 days and on that 12th day he woke up and it was all over. He felt great, its like it just all dissapeared ! From then on he finished school with a bachelors degree in psychology and is not a therapist that works with addicts. He has been clean for 5 years of methadone , he has been 5 years clean of anything ! I tell you that was very motivating ! Now read my next post about how Im feeling at the end of my 21 day detox.

Detoxing off Methadone

stacymarieb — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:54:45 +0000

My name is Stacy and I am addicted to Methadone. I have been on it for 2 years and I go to a Methadone Clinic. Im 25 years old and I live a really normal life besides that fact of having to drive to the clinic everyday. I will be graduating from college soon (psychology)and I am currently unemployed. I decided to start this blog to maybe help others in this same situation and to apparently help myself. Im going to be blogging daily about the effects of a detox and how I am dealing with the situation. Right now I will give you a little background info on how much Methadone I have been taking recently. Keep visiting my blog so that you can get updates on my detox.

I was on 85 mgs before I started my detox. I wanted to get away from methadone so bad that I told the clinic that I wanted to detox the quickest way possible which is the 21 day detox. So I started that a couple of weeks ago. That by the way is the “Medically Safe Way” they say. People that get kicked out of the clinic also do this. I told them that I wanted to blind dose, which is when they dont tell you what your dose is everyday. I do believe that is the best way, because a really big part of the problem is in your head. You can send yourself in withdrawals and it be all in your head, Ive done it a bunch of times. Previously I detoxed and failed apparently but I went from 95 mgs to 10 mgs and was fine, no problems at all. The way I detoxed then was I did 5 mgs a week. It took a while to do that but honestly I couldnt tell a difference in my doses, I actually was still getting high off of it.

HOW I FEEL NOW

Well this 21 detox has not been bad at all. Some people say if you keep yourself occupied its not as bad….well I will say I have not been occupied at all, I have had too much time on my hands all I do is sit around. Even so, it still has not been bad. Nothing compared to the stories that I have heard from other patients. This detox is extremely fast and only the strong minded will make it. I cant tell you the exact dose that I am on but I will guess that I am around 30 right now. I am pretty sure that I am decreasing 4 mgs a day for 21 days. I started to feel different a couple of days ago. I am more alert now and not drowsy at all. I normally clean the crap out of the house once a week and I did that the other day, now I clean for like 4 or 5 hours at a time too, and that night I had trouble sleeping because my body was very achy. So I recommend if you arent very active not to do anything like that. That was the worst day so far and that was 3 nights ago. I havent had any problems sleeping at all. I feel good, not great , not wonderful but good. I found myself to be very unmotivated lately though. I havent wanted to go to class for the past week or so. But Im telling you it is NOT BAD right now at all and I have heard complaints from the first few days of someones detox that it is. The thing is that you must be ready to do this. Thats why I failed the last time b/c I was not ready, I was doing it for my family only. My back is a tiny bit achy and every once in a while I feel a cold sweat come on. Keeping it cool where you are will help with that.

TAKE BENADRYL!!!!!

Taking Benadryl will take the edge off ! If you start to feel bad take 2 benadryl’s and lay down and take you a nap. If you have problems sleeping take the benadryl before bed. I also will take some OTC sleeping pills before bed too. They take the edge off also, but dont take them at the same time ! I will take my sleeping pills at maybe 8:30 and maybe at 10:30 take the benadryl if I am still awake. A lot of times I will take the sleeping pills and stay awake too long and the effects of them making me sleepy will wear off. They do make me sleep but what Im saying is that I will fight going to sleep and stay up on the internet or something.

The biggest thing that Im going through is keeping my mind right. Thats the key, a good state of mind. Dont sit there and dwell on how bad you might feel in a couple of days. You never know it might not be as bad as youre making it out to be ! In my case that has been true so far. You will make yourself sick that way. If I sit here and think about every little thing I can put myself into a cold sweat. I just did it as we speak, so stop doing that. Have a little faith. I tell myself when I get scared that God is going to get me through this. Believing is another way that you can make it through this . Well Im going to keep this blog up everyday until I have went through the detox and whatever withdrawals that I may or may not face afterwards.

JUST REMEMBER

Be Positive
Picture how great being free will be
Realize that you are going to have to be a little uncomfortable at some point to get this monkey off your back
A few days or a few weeks isnt that long for lifetime of freedom of drugs
Take Benadryl-It will take the edge off and you will feel better
Take it one day at a time
Be strong, dont analyze that back ache or whatever unpleasant feeling it is

Be proud that you have made it this far !

Hello world!

stacymarieb — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:31:03 +0000

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